I went out with Shane last night with a gaggle of couples an..

I went out with Shane last night with a gaggle of couples and some single guys when the convo swerved into porn. Gee, wonder why? My guess would be because everyone knows I've been a porn star and churned out my share of cum dripping flicks. It's not a problem for me, and I own it. I also am aware that the wives are not fans of me. It means nothing to me. They aren't my style. I just put up with them for Shane. But then the ladies start their "ew, porn's so gross" sermon, and I finally blurt out "Bless your vanilla hearts." That made all eyes on me.

I'm not saying every porn clip's a masterpiece—that every corner of the internet is a gem, and I often think, "Who greenlit this dumpster fire?" But the stuff I watch? For me, it makes my clit hard and my box wet. So when these chicks start dunking on it, I'm like, "You folks need to broaden your horizons."

Then they go all in as a group, looking for a knockout punch, calling guys who watch porn "losers." I leaned into that one with a big smile and said, "Ladies, the dudes glued to PornHub? They're not the losers...I'd worry about the guys who don't watch it. Those are the ones with a check engine light on their sex drive amongst other things. But, I guess if you keep a dry pussy that's the kind of man you want...if you can call him a man."

That caused a notable pause in the conversation, and I admit that was probably an over-the-top answer on my part. The thing is, the men all knew I was right...they watch porn but are too afraid to admit it to their wives. Who wants to be in a marriage like that? I was going to stop there, but they keep whining about how porn is disgusting and ruining marriages. I was done playing nice. It was time to get graphic, and I said, "Disgusting? What's gross about a hot dude with a cock like a baseball bat stretching a sloppy wet pussy? I feel sorry for you and your husband if that makes you gag. It sounds like your sex life's drier than a desert. Who wants to live like that?"

Then, one gets all high and mighty and stands up for her friend. She tells me I have a problem and should see someone. So I lock eyes with her and drop the shock factor question...it's a go-to move of mine as it's super effective at throwing vanilla people off their game, "So, you are telling me that wrapping your lips around a fat cock and chugging cum straight from the balls is gross?" She made the "ew" face and said, "Yes, that's not sex, it's not love, it's a desperate act to keep the attention of a man who doesn't love you." I had to laugh and hit her with, "Well, don't cry when your man's spraying his load in some other chick's guts because she's feeding his attention-starved dick because you want to leave his dick in his pants." Now it's personal, and her husband, Tony, tries to pipe up and defend her honor, but I'm on a roll. I raised my voice, "Tony, say it for the cheap seats. Tell us you don't want a blowjob. Tell us getting one is an attention-starved act that it means you don't love your wife." The graphicness of the question locked him up, especially when his wife tried to answer for him, and I put my hand up and shushed her, telling her not to answer for him. Between his wife's glare and the guys smiling at his predicament, he said nothing. I said, "Silence...That's your husband's dick holding a sign that says suck me, I'm starving!" I got some "Fuck you's, and a few other angry retorts, but felt it prudent to add that if you loved your husband, you would at least consider doing things for him he liked and enjoyed, just like he should do the same for you. We went back and forth for a bit until it got quiet.

That made it quite awkward...for them. I was pretty happy with how things went. Then, Shane, my sexy fuck toy, started laughing and went, "I fucking love it when you suck my dick. I'm hoping you take care of that on the way home." I said, "Count on it." And I did. I sucked the sperm right out his balls in the parking lot, I went down on him like a champ, and he pumped my mouth full of his cum. I swallowed it, topping off my dinner and grinning the whole time.